Old Doxoblogy

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

A Momentous Day!

Yesterday was a great day for me. I received in the mail, a prayer rug, which if it touches both knees while I am praying, I can have whatever I want. This was sent to me free from the good folks at Saint Matthews Church, somewhere in the U. S.
I don't have the letter in front of me right now, because if I had kept the letter and prayer rug for more than twenty-four hours, my blessing would have become a curse. And they assured me, God sees. So, I was sure to ask for a million dollars, a new three story home with no property taxes on three and a half acres of land in a gated community. I'll be moving soon. I'll also have more time to blog, since I'm quitting my job today.

Not!!!

Actually, this is a pretty clever scam. There are enough untaught Christians out there, that sooner or later you're going to find enough who don't have any biblical knowledge and will fall for these lines. And they make sure that you return your prayer rug and 'love gift' before you find out that it is a fraud.
This got me to thinking. I'm praying over some old pieces of over-sprayed Line-X now, and I will be sending these out with a blessing from God on them. When you receive yours, put on your forehead as you lie flat on your back, and ask God for whatever you want. Money, cars, homes, women, anything. But you must return this the very next day. God is watching. He knows if you wait a day and a half to return the piece of crap, er, anointed Line-X. If you wish to donate to this ministry, make the checks payable to Jeremy Weaver. Cash is O. K. too.

12 comments:

John Rush said...

I got some of their stuff years ago. Amazing. Apparently they get enough money back to keep them going.

I wonder if they'll ever become a lead story for Dateline or something like that. Somebody ought to shine the light on 'em.

JRush

Ray said...

Sign me up! I have my prayer all ready!!! And I know that I am to give in proportion to my prayer (you DID do that, didn't you?)

Sow a LARGE seed, get a LARGE prayer granted... :-)

Ray said...

BTW, have you read their statement of faith? Convoluted is probably not the right word, how about rambling?

http://www.saintmatthewschurches.com/SaintMatthewsChurchesBeliefs.aspx

What a crew!

Sojourner said...

When I was in seminary, one of my jobs was being the Teller Supervisor at a bank. While I was working there, a woman came in and took out an equity line on her home in order to give "X" number of dollars to a television evangelist. I believe that he had promised if she would give this money, she would receive 7 times more by the end of the year. True story.

Anonymous said...

I actually recieved one too. This isn't the first time either. The 1st time was when my wife and I lived in Hall (knoxville, tn). I came home from work and noticed she was there kneeling with the prayer "rug" (paper) while chanting... ha-ha.

Well, it hasn't worked for us yet, but by george, maybe this time "geenie Jesus" will at least give me that new ipod that just came out...

DJ Cimino

JRODFOSS said...

Ive received at least three of these in the last two years. I have found that if you pray over your book of mormon while crossing your legs behind your head and standing on your hands on the rug you show god that you are really really sincere and your chances of success increase by atleast 100%. I guess 100% of nothing is still nothing.

Did the picture of false jesus on the rug open his eyes after you stared at it for a while?

ambiance-five said...

Jeremy you can send my line-x to Bush as he needs it more than I do right now.

So glad I don't have to run the country.

Thank you Lord!

Jeremy Weaver said...

They must be working this area, D. J.
I think John Stossel would do a good 'Gimmee A Break' story on it, John.
I'm trying hard not to make a 'seed' joke, Ray. Don't encourage me.

Jrod,
Actually his eyes were already open till he saw me, and then he closed them, trying to pretend he wasn't looking.

Sounds like you have read the stories about Line-X and the body armor in Iraq, Ambiance.

Ray said...

Me, encourage you? NEVER! ;-)

Steve Weaver said...

Good stuff, little bro. Send me your address when you move.

William Dicks said...

Isn't "crap" related to the crime of foul or inappropriate language? [Ha! Ha!]

D.J. Cimino said...

I finally read the whole thing Jeremy. Why didn't you give me any line-x last night? And I thought we were Brother's in Christ :(

ha-ha