Choosing A Restaurant
1. Avoid restaurants with the words, fried, house, hut, pit, or Mc.
2. Avoid restaurants where you must serve yourself.
3. Avoid restaurants that are crowded on Sunday and Wednesday nights.
4. Avoid Krystal at all costs.
5. Avoid all Asian food.
Inside The Restaurant
1. Avoid selections from the menu that contain the words, special sauce, super-monkey-fire-hot, or fish.
2. Avoid tipping until the end of the meal.
3. Avoid waiters (waitresses) with open wounds.
4. Avoid loud music.
5. Avoid okra.
On The Way Home
1. Avoid flatulence until you are out the door.
2. Avoid flatulence after you close the car door.
3. Avoid loosening your belt until you arrive at home. (No matter how much it hurts.)
4. Avoid all stop lights.
5. Avoid stepping on your spouse on the way to the house door.
I cannot stress point number three of On The Way Home enough. Keep your belt tight. You'll thank me later.